New Years came and went and I wasn’t even awake to see it. In bed by 9 so that I can wake up at 4 am to go to work. Sitting in the firehouse on New Years Day like any other holiday we work can be tough. Watching the clock all day. Running bells and getting back to the firehouse to see only a small chunk of time has passed. We all have been in the position before where you are bored out of your mind and the clock just seems to never move as if you are perpetually stuck in time going nowhere. Sitting in the car on a long ride or standing in a long line for something. You keep looking at the clock again and again trying to will it forward at a faster rate.
Then again, we have also seen time fly , tempus fugit, where we are having a great deal of fun and so immersed in our interesting activity that we don’t even see what time it is and when we look up 2 hours have suddenly lapsed and you can’t believe it.
Its all a matter of perception and wanting to be elsewhere when you are somewhere you don’t want to be vs. being where you want to be but knowing you need to be elsewhere where that you don’t want to go.
This perception of time is robbing us of our best moments on earth from both sides of this tumultuous arrangement.
When we sit in traffic for 3 hours and feel our precious minutes being stolen from us we languish in the frustration. Missing the fun and satisfaction you would have found had you just been there a little earlier. Or not fully enjoying your family or friends when you are with them because you know that you have to leave in a few hours to go in to work.
Being in the moment can be hard for us to do. It takes patients and the ability to find the worth of every minute, even the shitty and misreable ones that you try to escape.
I like to listen to music. I mean I really like it. Im the guy you see driving down the road with the radio cranked up and singing and playing air guitar and air drums. I like to feel it punch me around with a heavy bass or sway me into a trance like state. So over the years I have adopted many songs for my own personal theme songs.
One song that really fits to how I perceive myself is Frantic by Metallica. This is the opening track on their St. Anger album and it is raw and ominous. Take this with a grain of salt because the song more or less depicts someone who is at a very disturbed state of mind and being. I am not at this level by a long shot! But there are lyrics that I can identify with on another level. For example. One line is ” Do I have the strength to know how I’ll go, Can I find it inside to deal with what I shouldn’t know” that is then followed with ” My lifestyle determines my death style……..” Finally the chours hits with some pretty creative play on the word Frantic….. ” Frantic, tic, tic, tic, toc. Frantic, tic, tic, tic, toc.” So in this dark painted world this character is racing the clock knowing that his death is near and how he lives it will be how he ends it. Yes a dark, dark song and I love it!
Like I said take it with a grain of salt, Im not going over the deep end. I have forged myself over decades of physical training that has helped me become healthier the older I get. I gauge my progress to all the medical stats and sadly to the population around me. When I see younger guys than me who can’t even go up 3 flights of stairs and take boat loads of medications I commit even more to pursuing better health. My lifestyle WILL determine my deathstyle. The clock ticks away and I can’t slow it or speed it up…… I want to be everywhere and do everything…..damn fire under my ass!
I see the time ticking away and every moment I sit idle makes me itch with craziness! This Frantic tic tic tic toc is both a blessing and a curse. Nothing can wait so I must do, I must act. But ahh, what a great motivator it is!
I’m nervous now, maybe you think that I am a hyperactive nut? Yup, but only sometimes.
I know when I need to slow down.
For now lets enjoy some Metallica